If not for you…a final farewell

I am not in pain anymore
when I think of you
thank you for opening me wider 
for being stubborn in your convictions 
for I wouldn’t be where I am now

If not for you…
my writing wouldn’t 
have navigated the edge of dark & light 
or my feelings never stressed beyond limits I once thought could break me

If not for you…
I wouldn’t think deep love possible
Wouldnt imagine I could love one so vastly  different than I (yet so similar)

If not for you…
I never would have purged and burned a thousand letters, a thousand feathers, a thousand silent tears, a thousand shattered pieces of my heart
I wouldn’t have died a thousand times by a cold blade, dark eyes…your silence
I wouldn’t have rebirth a thousand times by divine truth and the kiss of sunlight

If not for you…
My heart never would have broken so wide that only writing of love could heal me; and you did…you split me so wide I feared I was forever doomed halved…you left me feeling adrift, and alone, and tirelessly broken

If not for you…
I know now that for you to keep your honor to some I had to be broken. I lost my place of honor among you so you could remain their entire kingdom, only to find that you loved me not as I loved you. You fell in love with another

If not for you…
after all this time in my aloneness this pain, the pain and heartache of you is finally, permanently on leave 
and my heart evermore opened to receive 
a new love…
a love beyond my comprehension…
a love deep
grooved for my resonance

If not for you…
my once beautiful muse

If not for you…


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