never be erased…

I think I love this quieter place

here in the tiny corner

I let fall whatever may,

leaving all my words piled

soundless

Little does this heart move from a sleepy little read

People caught in their particular webs

only ever anxious deep in their own need

I don’t amount much to them

 they turn so unwilling 

I undress my bare skin though

lay here exposed to elements

feeling a luminescence

 a cold glow pulsing

S. O. S

yet only ever unheard

 and served silence

echoing of weeping sorrow

no one feels me as in want & overwhelmed

so much I have lost

so much I have been given

yet never what I yearn 

am I only meant to be patient 

for that which is dreamy

n’er to come

I think I don’t know anything anymore

but a tiredness and an aloneness

shouldn’t I matter to someone 

shouldn’t I never be erased

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only ever countless…

I never realized how sacred this process would become to my inner most being. Writing has created me, saved me, destroyed me. It is alchemical, a ritual, a sensual experience…finding a way to put me back together. I am ever misaligned and symmetrical by the places it draws me to and drags me from. I have found a voice, a resting place, a dark hole and a new universe…sometimes I am so weak, my heart barely lifts and opens. So deeply I morn and gently hold love. Rich in longing and desire, bathed in painfully beautiful moments, only to peel back layers of heart ache, clean the wreckage, repair tears, mend cracks. I am split and woven in my years, beyond there, and desperately here, awakened, yet lived. I am found in parts, sated and wild, beautifully spilling my mind, my heart, my soul…I burn too, palmfuls of ash and stars. Should I, could I, be anything less and yet, remain in this space? Have you come only to become gone? Am I more than any realize, more than what any have reduced in me, more than any have explored or care to? Does anyone even know me, care to? Countless, my wondering…ever, my waiting 

earthen layers…

The more layers I unveil

the more inconsistent the elements of me

I am at war within my soul and self

I thought I was moving forward

as a gentleness I have for myself

although, slowly coming into focus

nevertheless was rooting

I must for mission

embrace my every atom and cell

yet vengeful is the ego when you try to quell its lifeforce

she keeps singing that I am not good enough

that no one could love me

no one will fight for my heart…

return me to the stars

this lifetime

this lifetime…

I am still learning love

growing for

hurting for

dying

 

 

…I can’t unknow you

I drift in and out of this consciousness

never certain that I have reached you

do you even know its you,

unto the soul of you, I write

I have called for you from a deeper place

one that resonates from where we first began

did you hear something, someone….me

I saw you in him and in her

perhaps in a few others too

never realizing it was you

it was you I have been drifiting towards

something of you so fragant fell upon me

it’s remarkable really

 unforgettable, this familiarity of sacredness

I didn’t know in this lifetime

to hope or dream

or  to even know of such permenance

of being home

but it’s too late, isn’t it

I can’t undo you

I can’t unravel the promised knots

the threads that stitch your breath to mine

to cut you from the innermost part of me

you were there all this time

always rushing through me

I was just sleeping for a while

My love

was I always waiting without waiting

I think you ask for this dance

 and I can’t unknow you now

restlessness is choking me

 

livening…

lacing of fingers

images of you

coursing my veins

pulse propulsions

chain reactions

feeling very piece of you

snaking me

you smell like honey and dew

and the sweet kissing of petals

heaving against my chest

cleave unto me

this tower rising of ache and moan

reaching for my throat

come draw it out of me

collapse me

come live as we breathe

feminine stars…

If you only knew the length of my longing

the grip of flesh and sin

when I think of you pushing

waging war against my skin

do you ever feel the heaviness of my breath

aflame and longing

imagine the sighs

with the subtle opening of thighs

honey comb of salted silk

waiting for your tongue

a dwelling place

a sacred design

this feminine war and peace

sword and your pillow

a starfield desire

a divine love