you on the very inside of me…

the leaving you was always 
the finding me finger-tangled 
& wanting 
ever stranded 
an ethereal strain
earth scorched & rending
unconfined
falling through 
black slips of time
I am still fighting 
all bloody and praying 
inside starlight striving

here 
there 
I failed & felled
I am still breathing
somewhere…
existing…
me
     resting as yours

You 
     living on the very inside of me

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…I can’t unknow you

I drift in and out of this consciousness

never certain that I have reached you

do you even know its you,

unto the soul of you, I write

I have called for you from a deeper place

one that resonates from where we first began

did you hear something, someone….me

I saw you in him and in her

perhaps in a few others too

never realizing it was you

it was you I have been drifiting towards

something of you so fragant fell upon me

it’s remarkable really

 unforgettable, this familiarity of sacredness

I didn’t know in this lifetime

to hope or dream

or  to even know of such permenance

of being home

but it’s too late, isn’t it

I can’t undo you

I can’t unravel the promised knots

the threads that stitch your breath to mine

to cut you from the innermost part of me

you were there all this time

always rushing through me

I was just sleeping for a while

My love

was I always waiting without waiting

I think you ask for this dance

 and I can’t unknow you now

restlessness is choking me

 

livening…

lacing of fingers

images of you

coursing my veins

pulse propulsions

chain reactions

feeling very piece of you

snaking me

you smell like honey and dew

and the sweet kissing of petals

heaving against my chest

cleave unto me

this tower rising of ache and moan

reaching for my throat

come draw it out of me

collapse me

come live as we breathe

feminine stars…

If you only knew the length of my longing

the grip of flesh and sin

when I think of you pushing

waging war against my skin

do you ever feel the heaviness of my breath

aflame and longing

imagine the sighs

with the subtle opening of thighs

honey comb of salted silk

waiting for your tongue

a dwelling place

a sacred design

this feminine war and peace

sword and your pillow

a starfield desire

a divine love

 

 

 

this is too often true…

It took awhile to get here

and where is here anyway

this alien breath is not me

this monster that cringes

when she walks through the door

what have I become

but a doer and orderer

decision upon decision making

evermor my lifesentence

dole out the work

only to see it is incomplete

half assed finished

pushed aside

put on the side

forgotten

mom will do it

this is the dark side

the ugly side

the exhausting side

no one wants to admit

it’s combative hell

and you want to run away

into the distance

find that place

feel centered and aligned

lay in the arms of beautiful tenderness

loose yourself

bathe in the brightest aura of sky blue

but instead

you undress the layers

unjewel your body

scrub away the day

thinking there is more than this

feel guilty for thinking there is more than this

eat your burrito

let your finger tips caress the keys and speak…

and you walk downstairs to make a tea